I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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