So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
