woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
