we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
