Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
