the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont even know how to be here
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my poor anus
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
