That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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