just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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