I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
