Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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