The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
