I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
