The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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