I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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