Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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