mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
