I am spending my child support on dildos
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
