he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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