Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
