I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
