Christians are straight up FREAKS
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
