Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
