If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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