if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
