Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
