I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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