Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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