it wasn't lemon gatorade
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
