My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
