She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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