dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
