wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
