I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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