who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
