he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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