It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
