So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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