I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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