you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
