I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
