I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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