I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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