If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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