I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
