Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
