how can u be prego again
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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