Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
