Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
