I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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