There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
